I think I’m taking my Khaotic Kon roles too seriously. I’m starting to get obsessed with looking good for the role of Robin that I’ve fucked up my eating. There’ll be days where I eat nothing but a bowl of healthy-as-fuck cereal and a gallon of wulong or green/white tea but nothing else, and other days I’ll just binge because the days where I only eat cereal make me really hungry. Either way I’m not looking any better for Robin so I’m just failing miserably and that sucks. I was doing great with my workout, but because I have no energy anymore due to the shitacular eating habits I haven’t been able to keep it up consistently. (I’m even afraid to put Dakota to bed because I always fall asleep and I don’t get anything done. Peace out, energy..) I haven’t lost any weight, my tummy is still gross and the only progress I have is slightly stronger legs which do me no good when I’m strutting my stuff as Robin. Whenever I eat something gross I think to myself, “It’s probably not that good for me so I should try to throw this shit up before it makes me fatter”. I know. Bulimia much? Don’t worry, I stand over the toilet with my finger poorly trying to make myself gag then I get scared and stop. Fail lulz. I suck so hard I can’t even be a successful bulimic if I wanted.
I don’t know what to do. I’ve been trying to eat healthier, but without even knowing I start doing something stupid like eating 5 York patties. I should really just keep this kind of stuff out of the house. Doesn’t help I just bought an ass-ton of candy for Dakota’s potty training rewards. I think tomorrow I’ll just eat some carrots. Carrots are good and are good for you right? Heh…heh… I’m just sick of how I look and I don’t want to make other people sick too by looking at me. I’m 10lbs heavier than I was pre-baby and that weight isn’t my boobs like most moms. Why did I have to get the shit luck?